waspadalah waspadalah: February 2011

Monday, February 28, 2011

i love your smile

unknown + weheartit

edoardo molinari best golf player

Sunday, February 27, 2011

and i wonder, do you remember me after all this time?

unknown

We grew up in the same neighborhood. We never hung out because our neighborhood groups never seemed to come together. I only knew you as one of the neighborhood boys. It wasn’t until high school that the way I saw you changed. I was a sophomore and you were a senior. I don’t know what it was. Your height? You always towered over everyone. Or how quiet you seemed when you were hanging out with your friends during break? I used to make my group of friends stand near your group, that way I could sneak glances at you. But I wasn't slick. You’d catch me staring and when our eyes would meet, my heart would skip a beat and my cheeks would burn. Then after months of always staring from a distance, I was in desperate need of a ride home because my sister had to go to ballet practice and I didn’t know which school bus went to my neighborhood. So, you offered. And the whole ride there, I stared out the window, paralyzed with fear. Fear of how I felt. Fear of saying something utterly ridiculous and ruining any tiny chance I had for you to notice me as more than that girl who lives in the same neighborhood. You asked me vague questions. Isn't your sister _____? What kind of music do you like? Is this radio station okay? When you dropped me off at my house, I quickly said 'thank you' and ran inside. We never talked again after that. Never acknowledged each other in the hallways or at break. It was like it never happened. But my feelings still remained.

You and my best friend had the same class. I would wait for her to get out so we could go to our next class together. I would make sure I never looked your way because I didn't want you to think I was waiting there because of you. One day, I was waiting and suddenly my best friend comes running out of class, grabs me and drags me away from everybody. She tells me that she has something to tell me but I can't freak out. At this point, I assume the worse. You know and you've told everybody that I'm a pathetic lower classmen who's in love with you. Was I that obvious? But my best friend tells me to relax; the news is good. She tells me you came up to her in class and asked about me. Were her and I best friends? Was I cool? What was I like? Did I have a boyfriend? I don't know how I didn't just drop dead right then and there and float off to heaven after hearing that.

I started noticing you notice me. I'd catch you staring at me more than you'd catch me staring at you. But still, I never did anything. And you never did anything. I was sure you asking about me meant there was some interest. I'd dream that one day you were going to come up to me in school, in front of everyone, and ask me out. Or you'd ring my doorbell and be there on my porch. It neared the end of the school year and I'd try desperately to muster any courage to talk to you but I couldn't. I was sixteen, not confident, and utterly in to you. I didn't want any other guy, period. Essentially, you were my Jake Ryan and I was Molly Ringwald, pining for you.

You graduated and I never saw you again. It's been 8 years and I still think about you. Sometimes I think I'm crazy to hold on to my feelings for you. When it comes down to it, I don't even know you. We talked once in all the years of existing around each other. So why do I still want you? Why do I still want to get to know you? Is it because there's the possibility of 'what if'? Is it because you're a fantasy I can sometimes revert to when I'm feeling sad and lonely? You have a hold on me that I've tried shaking for years.

And I wonder, do you remember me after all this time?

sandra gal golf players

Saturday, February 26, 2011

it feels like we just got here

chicknamedhermia + unknown

Thursday, February 24, 2011

is it too late for me?

unknown

I've always been a free spirit. I am constantly looking for something fun and new. If I get bored or restricted, I run. I've never thought of myself as a slut/whore, but someone who likes to do what they want when they want with who they want. I rarely think about the consequences and like to go with what I feel at the time. I never go out looking for trouble, but trouble always seems to find me, and trouble always comes in the form of a boy. I have no problems attracting attention from the opposite sex. It's just that it's never the "right" attention. A typical night out would be my friends and I at a bar/club and a cute boy buying me drinks and dancing with me. For me, it's all about chemistry. It's either there or it's not. Unfortunately, the initial spark between myself and a male always just leads to sex and nothing more.

Looking back, I have been with many guys and unfortunately none of them have been meaningful. I never have usually hooked up with anyone for more than a month or so. When I do develop feelings, I try my best to hide them in fear of being rejected (because most guys don't want relationships). I have been told by several guys that I've been with that they like me because I'm a girl who just "likes to have fun." I am a fun and easy going person and that's what people like about me, but does this mean that I can't be in a relationship?

I am scared that I will never love or truly be loved. I have been in one relationship where I hurt my boyfriend of the time very badly. Perhaps this is karma. I was young, stupid, and selfish. I just turned 23. Recently, I have been feeling more alone than ever. I have great girl friends, but none of them seem to really understand what I feel. Guys that I'm attracted to and who I also in turn attract are always those who are never emotionally available. One guy that I was hooking up with for awhile that I started developing feelings for a couple years ago even told me that I am not "girlfriend material."

Perhaps I am evolving and I do want something more stable, because I've never been a part of something real. I know I stopped myself before from liking/loving someone because I have a fear of them leaving me or hurting me, but now I am even open to that possibility. Is it too late for me? Everyone already sees me as "the fun girl" so how do I change? How do I attract the right type of guys who are willing to love me for me?

-E

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

&hearts love is love ♥

unknown

gianluigi buffon best goal keeper biography

Gianluigi "Gigi" Buffon Masocco (born 28 January 1978 in Carrara, Italy), is an Italian footballer who plays as a goalkeeper for Serie A club Juventus and the Italian national team. He has won the FIFA World Cup and is widely considered by fans and experts to be one of most dominant and successful goalkeepers in history.Buffon was declared by Pelé to be one of the 125 greatest living footballers in the world, and has also been named the Serie A Goalkeeper of the Year a record eight times.
Club career
Parma
Buffon began his career with the youth system of Parma in 1991 at the age of 15. He graduated from the youth squad in 1995 and at the young age of just 17, Gianluigi made his Serie A debut for Parma in a 0–0 home draw against A.C. Milan on 19 November 1995. He went on to make 8 more first team appearances that season. Buffon was trained by legendary trainer Louie P In 1996, his second full season with the club, Buffon was named as the starting goalkeeper and would go on to make well over 200 appearances for his club in all competitions. In his fourth season with the club, he won the UEFA Cup. He was by this time, already considered a major prospect and in the summer of 2001, he was snatched up by Italian giants Juventus for a world-record goalkeeper's transfer fee of a reported £32.6 million,[3] with part of the transfer fees paid via the transfer of Jonathan Bachini to Parma.[4]

Juventus
Buffon transferred from Parma to Juventus in summer of 2001, and has never looked back. It was rumoured that Buffon nearly signed with A.S. Roma in 2001 following his departure from Parma but then club president Franco Sensi instead opted for Atalanta B.C. keeper Ivan Pelizzoli. Buffon later commented "That was never a possibility really... I don’t think that Roma had the finances to make an investment of such a nature."

In his first season with Juventus, Buffon was immediately inserted into the starting eleven and appeared in 45 official matches, helping his team to the Serie A title. He totaled 47 appearances the following season, also helping Juventus to the UEFA Champions League Final, only for his team to lose in a penalty shoot-out to A.C. Milan, although they did celebrate the Scudetto that season yet again. In 2003, he received the UEFA Most Valuable Player and Best Goalkeeper awards, and was named by Pelé as one of the top 125 greatest living footballers in March 2004. In his third season with the club, Buffon again was the undisputed starter making 38 appearances, and in his fourth season at Juve, he amounted for 48 more appearances as well as his third Scudetto in four years with the Turin giants. In August 2005, during the annual Luigi Berlusconi Trophy match against Milan, Buffon collided with Milan midfielder Kaká while chasing a loose ball, and suffered a dislocated shoulder that required surgery. His operation was successful and he returned to the pitch in November, but played only once as another injury returned him to the sidelines until January. Christian Abbiati was transferred to the club, to fill in for the injury strucken Buffon, however he did recover in time to help lead Juventus to their second consecutive Scudetto and his fourth overall with the club.

On 12 May 2006, Buffon, along with Juventus teammate and fellow goalkeeper Antonio Chimenti along with many other players, were implicated as participants in illegal betting on Serie A matches while with Parma. The following day, he voluntarily allowed himself to be questioned by Turin magistrates in an attempt to clear his name. While admitting that he did bet on sports (until regulations went into effect in late 2005, banning players from doing so), he vehemently denied placing wagers on Italian football matches. Fears arose that he had jeopardized his chance of playing in the 2006 FIFA World Cup, but he was officially named Italy's starting goalkeeper on 15 May. The players were cleared of all charges by the FIGC on 27 June 2007.Following Juventus' punishment in the Calciopoli scandal, rumors spread that Juventus were shopping Buffon on the transfer market as a cost-cutting measure, and many teams became interested in his services.[7] However, no deals ever materialized as Buffon elected to remain with Juventus; his agent said, "Serie B is a division he has never won and he wants to try to do this."

On April 2007 Milan vice-president Adriano Galliani stated that Buffon's decision to stay proved a catalyst in re-signing incumbent Dida,[8] though Buffon later denied having ever been contacted by Milan.

After Juventus won the Cadetti and were promoted back into the top flight, Buffon signed a contract extension that will keep him at the club until 2012.[9] Buffon was still in his best form for the 2007–2008 Serie A season, as he helped Juventus to a third place finish as well as UEFA Champions League qualification in their first season back. In 2008–2009, Buffon was again sidelined by several injuries, having problems with his back but principally a bad groin strain and a pulled muscle.[10] From September through January, new Juventus reserve keeper, Alexander Manninger, held his position between the sticks, and gained a lot of praise for his deputizing.[11] Because of this and Juve's poor form towards the end of the season, as Buffon was seen despondent as the team drew Lecce and Atalanta, there were further rumors that Buffon was upset and wanted to leave.[12] He admitted he was upset but had no intentions to leave. After a discussion with management, he said he was reassured about the future of Juventus and signed a year extension to 2013.

gianluigi buffon

gianluigi buffon best goal keeper biography

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

how do you stop punishing yourself

weheartit

We've all been hurt. i'm just like everyone else. typical story of girl meets guy they get on amazingly. Guy has girlfriend, Guy cheats on Girlfriend with girl.
Girl and guy become best friends. Girl falls in love with guy. Guy promises to leave girlfriend for girl but it's all false promises. Girl gets hurt.

This happened to me. But i don't want to talk about that. I'm over him. What i want to know, now that i'm over him when do i get over what he did to me?

It's almost been a year now. a since i stopped thinking about the guy, josh. Its been almost a year since i met sam.

I met Sam one night through a friend, we spent the whole night together, drinking, laughing the usual. He was clear from the start, he didn't 'do' relationships.
I was ok with this. I still wanted Josh but it was becoming clearer and clearer as our friendship was fading more and more that it was never going to happen.
This continued to hurt, so i thought why not have some fun on the side with sam.

As i got to know Sam, we became closer and closer. We spent some amazing nights together, some full of passion and some where we would spend hours talking
and getting to know each other. I was growing to really like Sam and Josh barely ever thought about.

Sam and i talked about past relationships, he had no shame in telling me about how he's cheated and doesn't like being tied down.

I fell in love with Sam. By this point it'd already been admitted that he was in love with me and was just waiting for me to reciprocate the feeling before we
considered a relationship.

It was only about 2 months ago that i realised how much i loved Sam. It was the scariest relisation of my entire life. The only person i had ever loved like this was Josh
and that truly destroyed me, i never realised just how much until now.

Before i explain, i just want you to know that i know how utterly ridiculous i'm being but i just can't help it.

I simply cannot trust sam. and it's hurting me, not him, me. I keeping waiting for him to turn around and realise he doesn't want me, the same way josh did.

After we hang out i keep thinking, that's it we're over or we wont talk for months because that's how josh always treated me.

If Sam does anything slightly wrong, I get so emotional, i believe that its over and he's deliberately trying to hurt me and i sometimes cry for hours, over something which
turns out to be absolutely nothing. It's all because of josh, because i showed him everything and if he didn't like it and could discard it so easily why would anybody else want me.

This isn't meant to be a self pity story. i just want to know how do you stop punishing yourself, for what someone did to you?

Monday, February 21, 2011

lebron james wallpaper

you are lovely

icanread

Sunday, February 20, 2011

an alarming unhappiness

unknown

It started out as a fairytale. Even in hindsight, I won't deny that. We met online, though we were three thousand miles away, and tried to pretend we were just friends, but soon we were falling. I had started talking to him just two months before I was to head off to France for a seven-month contract, but I was starting to fall in love with him and the way he told me I was beautiful and that he loved talking about language with me; I wanted only him forever. I told him I liked him and I insisted that he either tell me his true feelings or lie and say I was disgusting and that he'd never want to be with me, because that would make it so much easier to get over him.

But he decided to tell the truth, even though he had just gotten over a big breakup - one that to this day he's not over - and of all fortuitous chances, I had a layover on my way to France in an airport four hours' drive away from him. He knew, and I wondered if he would come. I spent that first flight agonizing over the uncertainty, but giddy with a degree of sureness that he would be there.

And he was.

I lugged my bags and my guitar to the front of the airport, where he was waiting, for the hour-long layover I had between flights. His whole body was shaking, and he held my hand, leading me to a sunlit, secluded alcove under a big escalator where he laid down a blanket and gestured to the picnic he brought. He told me how much he liked me, and how much he would have regretted it if he hadn't come to meet me for the first time in person when he had the chance. I played him the song I had secretly written for him on my guitar, right there in the airport, with my back to the rest of the travelers, not even meeting his eyes because I didn't know how any of this worked.

He gave me my first kiss and waved to me as I re-entered security and made my flight just in time. That flight across the ocean really felt like I was flying, like I had sprouted wings and was high on the excitement of being wanted and feeling the potential of this perfect relationship whose start was so beautifully fresh. Then I was in France, and we talked every day online, he was charming and kind and supportive, and everyone I met was wowed by the romance of our story. Our story, I thought. I would tell it to people for the rest of our lives and it would be the sign that it was meant to be from the start. Imagine - my first love, this perfect!

He even came to visit me for a month over the winter holidays, three months after the airport. We overcame so many challenges in that brief period - my hostile roommate kicking us to the curb and leaving us to fend for ourselves, dirty replacement accommodations without heating or a functional bed frame, more rude people than I can count, the utterly insulting high prices of everything in Paris, my trip to the emergency room for a bad cut on broken glass... We survived all this, and he made me love him so much through it all. He was there for me every second, and I was grateful for that but also felt so guilty to be dragging him through my crazy life.

The day before he left, I said what I had been wanting to say for months. I said what he later told me he's not sure he can ever say to me. I don't regret it, because it's how I felt and how I still feel. Every good memory we had made during his stay - wandering Montmartre, kissing in the metro station, him lifting me up in the kitchen and smiling warmly at me, every ounce of desire he had for me that I returned - all those good things made me overlook the bad. But everything changed after that day, after that sunny morning on the mattress of the borrowed room we were in, when I told him I loved him as my heart raced and I lay pressed against him. Whether all the changes were due to my words or simply happenstance, I don't know.

But I cried so much after he left, I felt as if he had died or left me. He had a new job back home that left him no time or energy to keep in touch with me, and I felt completely alone. I moved into a new place, since I had been kicked out of the old one during his stay, and although everything there was good, great even, I couldn't feel relieved. I felt empty without him, and emptier still after realizing that I'd spent an entire month neglecting my own well-being while I tried to keep the two of us afloat in a country where he didn't know the language and didn't have the financial resources to help me out when I was in need. The good memories helped me remember how much I cared for him, and I tried to keep him aware of my affection by sending emails and offline messages, because we talked so infrequently.

I even came back to America for a little while, and we were able to talk on the phone again. But he was never the one to call, he felt too stressed about my being upset and my wanting to talk about the relationship and the need I have for there to be an end date for the long-distance part of all this (which there still isn't). And in his indifference, his unwillingness to take five minutes to send me an email or call to say goodnight, I have gained perspective. All the hurtful things he said without thinking, all the discrepancies between our needs and personal interests... And then he managed to say the thing that has been stewing painfully in my heart for the past four days: the crushing confession that he might not ever be able to love me.

I blame his ex-girlfriend. I blame his upbringing. I blame so much, and I had resolved this year to eliminate blame from my life. But the way he is, is not good for me. It's maintaining an alarming unhappiness in me that I need to get away from to feel whole again. Ending this will break my heart, and his too if I'm to believe him. The fairytale was so promising, so beautiful, so achingly beautiful that I don't want to give it up. Neither of us realized in the beginning that we were fools to think this would work. We gave it up by starting it in the first place.

A