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Monday, September 13, 2010

Sunday, September 12, 2010

ffffound

I met my boyfriend when I was at vacation. At that time I had no idea that this man were going to be the love of my life.

I went to Chile with my family in January. I couldn't wait to see my friend and when I finally met him, he was with he's best friend.

We were talking a lot, but his friend was very shy. I was curious at him and begun to ask questions about him. I could barely hear what he said, and i'm not that quiet girl so I find it hard to talk with shy people. But I get to know this man better.

It begun to be late so we went back to our houses. I logged into Facebook and saw a friend request from him. I accepted and he was online and we begun to talk, very much. He said he wanted to meet me the next day, and so we did.

We went to a park and were just sitting at a bench talking. Or, I was talking and he listening. He didn't say much, just like the other day. I started to get nervous for a awkward moment, so I was honest and said to him that he need to talk more. He just laughed and begun to talk.

After that day we begun to go to same park, the same bench everyday to just talk. After a week I begun to realize that i'm about to get feelings for him. How could I be so stupid to feel something for him? I live in Norway, he lives in Chile. It is impossible to have relationship with this distance. But i couldn't stop thinking about him, and the next day when we sat on the bench, we kissed for the first time. I had the best feeling inside my body and it felt so right. But now i'm thinking that all maybe was a mistake.

One day Lucho asked me if I wanted to spend the night at a apartment that he borrowed from a friend, and I said yes. That night we made love. It was a intense moment that I will never forget.
Two hours later we woke up because the floor were shaking. Everything was shaking, and when I thought that the earthquake would stop, it only got worse and I was very scared. He held his arms around me while he said "relax honey, just relax. It will stop". Thank God that nothing happened to us or our families.

When it stopped, we ran out from the block and to the street. Everything was dark and everyone was at the streets looking for friends and families. 27th of February is a date I will never forget. And from that date, we were together, as boyfriend and girlfriend.

I had to leave the country in March. It was hard to say good bye, but we knew that we would see eachother again, because I said that i'm going to buy a flight for him for July to August. The time we were separated, we were spending almost all the nights talking at phone and Facebook. I went home from school, slept and woke up at the night to talk with him. I've done that until now.

When we finally met, it was a fantastic time. We spend every single day loving eachother more and more. When he had to leave, it was so hard. I cried and cried at the airport. If I knew that this maybe would be the last time I saw him, I wouldn't let him leave. But I didn't. We talked about this. We said that this time it would be more tough to be separated from eachother. And it is.

The next week i'm going to buy a flight for him, so he can spend December to March with me.
But yesterday Lucho said he can't live without me. And he said he is going to study and work in March. That means that he won't have time to talk with me, and that means that we must break up. He also sent me a message and said that I deserve better, that I deserve a man who lives near me. I cried my heart out. I feel like I don't have a soul.

This nine months have been the most beautiful months of my life. I love my life because of him, and i'm so happy to be he's girlfriend. And I won't give up. Never.

I have the chance to move to my grandparents in he's neighbourhood. I'm also thinking that maybe the right thing to do is to let go, for some years. Because I will never stop loving this man, and I know that it is meant to be us, so I will wait all the time that is necessary so we can be together forever. He will study for three years, and that's three years i'm willing to wait.

I want to call him and say this to him, but he says he needs time to think. But what if he thinks too much? What if he decides that it will be better to go ours lives separated? I won't let him think that. But I want help to choose the right thing to do. So I ask you. What should I do?

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Saturday, September 11, 2010

scribble you out

unknown

Thursday, September 9, 2010

ready to the take on the challenge

unknown

I had no intentions of falling in love my first year of college. In fact, nothing was further from my mind. The idea of love was incredibly foreign to me, all throughout high school I was always the girl that stayed single, dated around, played the field, and often teased my smitten girlfriends for being mushy and pathetic over their high school sweethearts. Upon entering my freshman year at DePaul University, I expected to maintain the same attitude, that boys were an incredible waste of time, and being a young girl that enjoyed a good time I would live the single life. Some said I was simply too stubborn, afraid of getting hurt, and unwilling to commit. These allegations were never ones I denied, for I did fear a serious relationship, and this was a matter that at the age of 18 I had already accepted. But in one life altering, whirlwind romance, of such an unpredictable and unexpected nature I found myself in love with a boy, changing my personality and person completely.

The Oakdale apartment was hosting yet another infamous party. This apartment was the residence of three very crazy boys who enjoyed whiskey, music, and creating a ruckus more than the average college student. The interior of the apartment reflected the reckless nature of my friends, with dirty dishes in the sink, overflowing trashcans; empty beer bottles and cigarette filled ashtrays were strewn in every corner of the apartment. The look was completed with a random array of furniture, crude posters, and a guest or two sleeping on the couch. This particular party happened to be in honor of Nick, in celebration of his 20th birthday. Nick was perhaps the wildest of the three roommates with more than questionable morals and a rowdy group of friends.

We left the dorms that Friday night with a slight buzz from the beers we had chugged in the bathrooms- in attempts to hide from the RAs making their nightly rounds. The alcohol mixed with the combination of anticipation for the night ahead made for a very excited group of freshman. The October night was perfect, the air was cool and crisp but we all knew on the walk to the apartment that winter was slowly approaching. I could hear a Black Lips song, blasting out of the windows from a block away, Sally rang the buzzer and we climbed up the smoky stairs, hearing the music and laughter on the floor above us. We were welcomed by a large of group of friends and acquaintances, and it was clear the drinking had started much earlier in the night as Nick the birthday boy was covered in toilet paper, and others donned odd hats fastened with duct tape. I immediately made eye contact with a stranger, a tall, thin boy with dark shaggy hair, and a scruffy face. He was smoking a cigarette and met my eyes with an intense gaze, I immediately found him attractive but was also uncomfortable with the attention. I walked into the kitchen to grab a drink only to learn that the stranger’s name was Patrick; the name sounded incredibly familiar and I soon realized this was the Pat that my girlfriends constantly gushed over. He was a friend of Nick’s with good looks and an equally wild reputation.

February in my opinion is the most unbearable month of the year. The dirty snow, grey skies, and fierce winds make living in Chicago a complete nightmare. Any joy I had in December for a white Christmas and a desire to ice-skate at Millennium Park had completely vanished. Pat and I had been seeing each other since that night in October, though neither one of us would admit the seriousness of our relationship. I still after four months refused to refer to him as my boyfriend though we spent most everyday and night together. I tried to convince myself that I was still a fun, and single college girl, but the smallest voice inside of me constantly nagged, as I knew I was developing true feelings for Pat. And though our pairing was completely unexpected, I was happy, comfortable, and most importantly I was learning to care for another person. The rough exterior of my independent nature was being chipped away and I felt raw, naked, and exposed But I couldn’t help questioning the whole situation, we were both so young, immature, and unprepared. It was silly to think that I could find true companionship from a crazy boy I met at a party. I was still scared of being vulnerable and dependant on other person, I was still unable to trust. All of these emotions aside, February was growing to be an extremely dull and restless month. The fun had dwindled drastically with the cold, especially post holiday season. After a long week of tests, exams, and digging Pat’s Toyota out of the snow, we were both looking forward to a small party with out friends at the Oakdale apartment.

As unkempt and filthy as the Oakdale apartment was, I always found it a comforting and familiar environment my first year of college. Though wild and crazy, the boys were genuine people and good friends. The apartment despite the piles of dirty clothes on the couch, and odd smells coming from the kitchen was always welcoming to friends. We could have fun just a handful of people, listening to music, and carrying on good conversation. This was how the night began, a few friends, quite a few beers, and some good music. As more guests arrived the dancing began; Pat started the fiasco by pouring his drink on himself while dancing on the coffee table. He looked at me on the floor below and met my eyes with that same intense gaze from the first night we had met. All of a sudden I was spinning, more likely this came from one to many beers, but it was at that exact moment I knew all my inhibitions aside, I was in love with Patrick. The girl who would never love had done so, and my body filled with that warm feeling best described from Hallmark greeting cards.

I pulled Pat down from the table and on to the dance floor, I gazed into his eyes, giggled, and whispered with adoration into his ear, “I love you, I love you, I love you!” Pat laughed in response, assuming that this was the PBR talking. We continued to enjoy the night with our friends, and I could not help thinking how this boy had managed to change my life so much, and for the better. Learning to love allowed me to become a less selfish person, more generous and considerate to those around me. Yes, the idea of loving another was terrifying, but I was ready to the take on the challenge knowing the potential reward was sharing my life experiences with another who loved me back.